...let 'em me doctors and lawyers and such. You've heard this Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson song, right? If not, you can go here to check it out. I happen to like this twangy old classic, and its title relates well to something that is on my mind in varying degrees every day. No, I am not worried that my babies may actually grow up to be cowboys, nor do I care whether they become doctors and lawyers and such (though that would be wonderful). What does concern me is their character. I am concerned over who they will be rather than what they will be, and I worry over my husband's and my role in shaping just that.
I like to think of a baby as a blank slate when born. A newborn baby doesn't lie, manipulate, steal, cheat, blame, swear or any other number of things our morally bankrupt society does on a regular basis. They are a clean slate, just waiting for someone to make their mark on them. This is where it all begins, this long arduous journey of shaping the moral character of another human being. Heavy.
So what do we do as mothers or fathers when we catch our child in a lie? What do we do when we witness our 2.5 year old manipulate her 15 month old brother so that she can end up with the toy that her little brother was contentedly playing with? What do we do when our 2.5 year old hears what we say, yet deliberately chooses to do something all together different than instructed? These things seem so small when singled out, but I believe that our answers to these questions are the blueprint used in shaping our children.
Modifying my children's behavior on a daily basis is exhausting. It is mentally and emotionally taxing. It sucks the life right out of me. But it is necessary.
Let's take lying. When our child lies to us, how do we react? Well, I for one, do not let it slide. Ever. In my opinion there is no reason...ever...that it is okay to lie. It is one trait that I consider absolutely despicable. So, when my 10 year old lies, he has a consequence. Now, I know that the consequence itself won't stop him from lying in the future, but it may have him at least thinking about it more carefully before he does it the next time around. And so it will go until he is an adult and out on his own. Hopefully, the constant reinforcement while home with us will have taught him that lying is never an okay solution.
Now, one more example. Deliberately disobeying. Addyson does this. Not very often, but often enough to test my patience. So when this occurs, it is stopped swiftly. She is redirected (as calmly as I can muster) by going for a timeout. Timeout is what works best for my daughter. She sits in her timeout spot for 2 minutes, then I calmy re-explain why she had a timeout. I tell her I want an apology, I give her a kiss and a hug and then we get on with our day. Most times, this same behavior doesn't crop up again (at least not in the same day). Through this reinforcement, Addyson will learn that having repsect for others is necessary. It is a characteristic she will carry with her throughout her life.
Our children are a direct reflection as adults, of the way they were parented as children. Being a parent is a huge responsibility and a tremendous blessing. In becoming a parent, I believe, we made a choice to always do what is right for our children. To always put their best interest first. It's not easy. In fact it's down right hard. Which means there are times when I would like to pretend I didn't just witness Addyson push her little brother down, or that I didn't hear Drew teasing Addyson relentlessly. In those times my husband's motto from Westpoint Military Academy resonates with me : Always choose the harder right over the easier wrong. In so doing, I take the worry out of the equation. I feel confident in my husband's and my role in helping to shape who they will be.
And if Colton and Drew want to become cowboys...well, that is A-Okay with me. So long as they are honest, hard-working, upstanding and moral cowboys ;)