Happy birthday to my husband! Today he is 36. GASP! I can't believe that he was 27 when we met. Where on earth has time gone? Oh, I also wanted to make it very clear, that I am not 36. I am almost 34. Just to be clear ;)
If ever there was a person who was a magnet for weird...my husband is it! Being his birthday, I thought it would be fun to tell a couple of stories which perfectly depict the crazy, random things that happen to him.
Subway
My husband goes to Subway to grab a sandwhich, and before he leaves, glances at his bag and notices there are no napkins. He politely walks up to the pimply faced teen behind the counter and asks for some napkins. Teen tells him "they're in the bag." Andy (with a look of mock confusion) holds his bag, looks at it, and says "no napkins." Teen says "we pre stuff all the bags with napkins. They were in there." Exasperated, Andy says "Okay, let's say there were napkins in the bag...can I have some extra napkins?" Teen says "I'm sorry, we don't give out extra napkins." About to lose his mind, Andy storms to the bathroom, spins off about half of the economy sized roll of T.P., wads it in a massive ball under his arm, walks out in front of the counter and loudly says "Hey! Thanks anyway...but I got it all figured out here!"
Safeway (a local grocery store)
It's somewhat late on a Sunday night, and I send my husband out to the grocery store to pick up a few things. One of those things is yogurt. Andy gets to the dairy aisle which is occupied by only one other person...a store employee who is busy stocking the shelves. Andy sidles up beside him and begins retrieving the yogurts for which I sent him. The employee sighs loudly and says "are you kidding me?" Andy, very confused, looks at the employee, then looks behind himself, then back to the employee, and says "me?" Employee says "yeah! I just finished stocking all those yogurts, and now you come along and move them all?" Andy, so dumbfounded, just says "whatever dude."
Brother in Law
About 3pm one afternoon Andy gets a text message from his brother in law. It reads "I'm getting off here in a bit" Andy, thinking 'thanks for sharing' replies "Ok, that's great." Brother in law says "Should I get something for dinner?" Andy says "If you're hungry." Brother in law "Always, how about you?" Andy "You know I'm always hungry." Brother in law "I can't wait to get home and see you and (BIL's son's name). Andy getting it now "Maybe tonight we can make another little (son's name)." BIL "Oh I'm excited now, I'm almost home!" Andy, unable to keep up the charade "Dude, this is Andy!" Brother in law "OMG! I'm so sorry, I thought it was your sister." **I feel compelled to tell you that BIL and Andy's sister do not have the same first initial...baffles me how this mistake was made**
Commercial Cleaning Company (In addition to day job, Andy owns a commercial cleaning Co.)
Andy hires a new employee for a recently acquired account. She is meant to team up with another woman already under Andy's employ. She works a night, and the current employee tells Andy there is no way the new woman will work out. She takes breaks every fifteen minutes and complains incessantly about her back pain. Being that she is in her probationary period, Andy tells her it will not work out. She calls...and calls...and calls to try to fight for the job. Andy stands his ground. She starts to get nasty. Calls and harasses him about getting her check. Andy says "the policy is you get your check when I get my shirts back." They plan to meet to exchange said items, but not before Andy gets a phone call in which someone with a disguised voice informs him that he is going to get his A$$ kicked. Anyway, Andy meets the woman to give her the check. He requests his shirts. Woman says "Oh hell no! I aint given you nuthin til I get my check!" Andy "You do realize the check amounts to $18.00, right?" Woman "I don't give a F#%k how much the check is! I want my check, and I don't trust you." The woman (with a rare stroke of her genius) says "Okay, I have an idea. You hold out the check, and I hold out the shirts, and we let go at the same time." So here is my husband in his shirt and tie, doing a redneck standoff with some irate woman over a couple of t-shirts and $18.00.
I'm here to tell you, that I have had some strange stuff happen to me, but this man beats all! If there is strange within a mile radius of my husband, it finds him...always. It makes for some most entertaining stories, and no one tells them better than he.
Happy birthday, Andy...I love you and all your crazies.