A while back I did a post about the things I find myself saying as a mom. Things which, in any other context, would be highly inappropriate. Could you imagine what any other person would think if you said any of this to them?
"No, it wouldn't be funny for a shark to eat you. Because it would hurt, and you would bleed."
"Colton! Get off the table...this isn't a zoo." (because that is acceptable behavior at the zoo).
"Don't pick your nose...it's like poop! It's nose poop!"
"Wait, why are you yelling at me?" (I always find myself saying "wait" as if they will actually pause).
"Colton, please take my underwear off your head."
"Colton...what do you have? (inward gasp) Give mommy that nail right now!!" (a long rusted nail he found outside).
"No honey, I don't like it when you lick my arm."
My nose to Colton's bottom "Whew, you are stinky! Are you poopy?" (Hello! Good one, genius).
"No, you can't have a cookie. No not before lunch. No, you need lunch first. Lunch is in a little bit. I said no, don't ask again. One small cookie, but that's it!"
"Addyson, you can't see the poop. Because it's gross, and I already wrapped up his diaper."
I must say at least half a dozen off the wall things every day. It obviously comes with the territory, because talking about all things poop is perfectly normal conversation in the company of other moms. Right?