Super Noob:
Mamma thoughts

Julie at The Peanut Gallery...exit here, who has wiggled her way securely into my heart, has awarded me with the Honest Scrap award. Thank you, friend. Since I began blogging, this was probably the one and only award I hoped to receive but never did...until now, of course. Now that I've got it (and I am really excited to finally have this one), I am hanging up the old "award" hat. I think they are fun, and I love it when others think of me...but at the risk of sounding like a major ingrate, I can't find the time to do the posts for them anymore. All the crazy linking, standing on your head, picking your nose, winking your left eye, and singing the Star Spangled Banner all at the same time is just a bit much for me.

So with this one I have to list 10 honest things about me. Honest? Darn it...there has to be a catch, right? I kid. I'm nothing if not honest. Anyway, here goes:

1. When I was younger I wanted to be a doctor. As I got older, I didn't want to do the school. As I got even older, I regreted not doing the school. Unfortunately, in college I didn't have the foresight which would have enabled me to see beyond my days of bars and boys. Seriously, I wasn't all that bad...pretty mild in comparison to many. In any case, I am quite happy to be where I am today. Can't imagine what my life would be otherwise.

2. I have eaten some really strange things in my life. As a child in particular. Among those things are dog food and fish food. Don't even ask.

3. I once peed in a flower bed in a public place. Again, don't ask.

4. My favorite number is 13, and my favorite colors are blue and yellow. In fact, our wedding colors were blue and yellow! Love, love, love it.

5. The one place in the world to which I want to travel over any other, is Russia. I am hugely fascinated with their culture. I would even like to learn the language. I actually know a few words and phrases. When I was fresh out of college and living in Dever, Co. I met some people from Russia. They became good friends, and thus my desire to learn more about their culture was spawned. Kak Dela?

6. I am currently struggling over whether or not we should change my blog tag line to "eight" little feet. Leaning toward keeping it six.

7. I cry at commercials. I never used to do that. I used to pick on my mom because she does it. Then I had kids, and my hormones went haywire, and never worked themselves back to their original state. Sigh. Now I am as sentimental as they come.

8. The blogs I love reading the most are those that write about "real" things. Things like their struggles in day to day life. The joy over their family, kids, etc. Humor over things to which we can all relate, and those that have great photography.

9. Like Julie said...I love music. I agree with her so much. A song can bring you back to a place in time quicker than anything else. I can instantly feel how I felt then, smell things I smelled then. It's amazing. Led Zepplin is one group in particular that brings back a lot of memories that are near and dear to my heart.

10. With me, what you see is what you get. Sometimes that's great, and sometimes it's not. My husband often accuses me of lacking the "filter" that others have which enables them to say things nicely. He says I can be abrasive. To his credit, he is not the only person who has said this about me. I'm perfectly okay with it. Better, I think, that you know where you stand with me. There is no wondering over what's going on in my head. Well, that last part may not be true. I mean, come on...how can you not wonder what goes on inside the head of someone who eats dog food and pees in public flower beds?

Now, I am going to pass along my last award.

The Empress at Good Day Regular People is, without question, an amazing writer. She has her heart in her blog, and I never feel bad about having spent some time "with her." If you haven't, you should go check her out and be sure to tell her I sent you!

Heide at From 3 to 5 is such a fun person. She's funny. I feel like I "get her." What I like most about her is the feeling that she doesn't put on aires. She is who she is, and is a joy because of it.

Three more...hang with me.

Kate, at Kate's Life. I love her heart. She is just an honest to goodness "real" person. I think she radiates warmth, and I like the way she shows genuine care for others.

Melis at The Zookeeper's Diary. She was one of my first favorites. Still is. When she sits down to "put it out there," she really does. Again, she is full of heart and honest, and has moved me to tears several times.

Finally, last but not least.

Sonora at Twinfinity. Sonora was on the verge of giving up blogging when I found her. I think she actually found me first, but I am so happy she did. And I am even happier she decided to stick with the crazy thing. I enjoy reading her posts which are riddled with funny and endearing stories.

Please, if I passed this to you, don't feel obligated to do anything with it. Chuck it if it pleases you, but I chose you because I honestly think you deserve it.

Th th th th th th, that's all folks!

When I make a promise I deliver! So here it is, in all it's hideousness splendor, the fish cake. Honestly, Addyson originally asked for a dinosaur cake. I didn't know how I would get that done. Fortunately for me, in her ever fickle way, she changed her mind and settled on this beauty.

This, my friends, is why my cake decorating skills have gone undiscovered for so long. They simply don't exist. Addyson, when first she was able to gaze upon her mother's creation, exclaimed "Mama, I asked for a fish cake!" Pft...that's as good as you're gonna get outta this mama. "What does it look like?" I ask her. "A star" is her reply. Upon further examination, I can certainly see how she came up with that. In the end I was able to convince her of its fishiness, and all was well. I will say this for myself...I can bake. The cake tasted great, and even had homemade cream cheese frosting.
For those of you waiting on my husband's answers...you will more than likely receive them tomorrow. Possibly, they will be in installments...we'll see.
Lastly, my current giveaway will end tomorrow and I will announce the winners (that's right, remember there will be two winners?) shortly thereafter.
Oh, maybe not lastly. I wanted to pass along what another blogger is doing. Julie at The Peanut Gallery isn't calling this a meme, but she is starting Mommy and Me Mondays. She is encouraging all of us moms (or dads) to get in the picture with our kiddos. Too often we are the ones behind the lens. So on Mondays, get a picture on your blog of you with your child(ren). Fun challenge for me! Feel free to link back to her or not (it's the only right thing to do really). Can't wait to see you all!!

Warning: Blog operator's brain on fritz...so don't expect much. This post is a bunch of odds and ends, hence the title.

First and foremost, I am excited to share the fact that I do have a few after pictures to share. Remember this post where I bared my deepest and dirtiest? If you didn't read it, you may want to now. Guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself in five seconds flat however long it takes you to read the post (but read this one first, because it has some cool stuff). So here are the pictures.

My bedroom floor after and before. Big exhale.

Nightstand after and before. Better light in the after!

Here's one that wasn't in the last post because I had already shown so much, that I thought enough was enough. Anyway, this was/is one of my dressers. My room now is one place that no longer causes me extra tension.

Moving on...in doing my cleaning, I came across some books that I have either, never used or used gently. I no longer have a need for them, and would like to know if any of you are interested in any or all of them. If so, please leave me a comment of which book you'd like. I will let them go on a first come, first served basis. ***This is not a giveaway*** Just wanted to see if anyone here wants them before I take them to the used book store. All I ask of those that are interested is that you kindly pay for shipping, you may have the book(s) for free. They are:

The Everything Pregnancy Book, and Dr. Sears Fussy Baby Book.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Baby Wise, and Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs.

This one is Kids Create. Its arts and crafts for 3-9 year olds. We have never used it, and sadly I am just not that crafty. But there looks to be some fun things for kiddos to make with moms and dads.

Last thing I have is a wedding scrapbook. Never used at all. I had already started a different one when I received this as a gift.

Okay, there is one more thing I want to show you all. I mentioned a while back that one of my favorite gifts for Christmas was a fantastic necklace from Lisa Leonard. It is really awesome. It has all three of my kiddos names on it, it's silver (and I'm a silver kinda gal), and it goes with cute dresses or jeans! So awesome.

I may or may not be hosting a giveaway really soon. It may or may not have to do with Lisa Leonard! So stay tuned.

That about wraps it all up.

In my former life, I was a sales manager for Cintas Corporation. Part of my duties was to perform field rides with my sales reps. One fine day, I was out with “A",” one of my better reps, and we were meeting a potential client at the Hard Rock Cafe in Phoenix.

“A” and I sat at our table and informed the waiter we were waiting on someone who was running late. He took our drink order and left the table. Meanwhile, in all my newly engaged infinite wisdom, I removed my ring and began to apply lotion to my hands. Our drinks were brought over, and “A’s” phone rang. It was the prospect telling us he was later than expected, and would prefer to meet us closer to his office.

So, feeling guilty about having only ordered a diet coke, I tipped the waiter $7.00 on a $4.00 tab. We left.

Half way to the new rendezvous I realized my ring was not on my finger. Instant and breath taking panic. “Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God," was all that I could get out of my mouth. “A” asked what was wrong, and I told him. Immediately he turned his car around, and told me we would tear that place apart looking for it.

I called the Hard Rock, and spoke with some nit wit who went to check our table. Nope…not there. However, she kindly asked for my phone number and let me know she would call me if she found it. WHAT!!!???!?!??!?!??! Yeah, freaking RIGHT!!!!!!!!!! I told her I would be there in 5 minutes, and I wanted to speak with the manager.

The manager came on the line, I explained, he put me on hold to go ask the waiter if he noticed it. Came back on the line, and said “no…he didn’t see it.”

Upon arrival, I was a frantic mess, ready to storm the place and beat every last person to a bloody pulp if that’s what it would take to get the ring back. The manager greeted me and said “I think you better sit down.” Again…yeah right! He then informed me that the waiter did find the ring. I cried. He realized his attempt at humor (you better sit down for this news sort of humor), was a grave mistake.

Anyway, I think the waiter had it all along, but then found his conscience and decided to give it back. I also believe that had I not tipped him so much on a measly little check, that I wouldn’t have my ring today. That was one of the scariest experiences…EVER!

Thanks, Melis for inspiring me to tell my tale. :)

A little girl’s daddy can do no wrong. When the little girl becomes a teenager, her daddy can almost do no right. When that same girl becomes a woman, she is able to see him for the man he is. The man he always has been. Unwavering in his love for her. Unshakeable in his commitment to her and the rest of the family. Unbending in his values, and undeterred when instilling those same values in his children.

For my dad and me things have been no different. As a very young girl, I adored him. As a slightly older girl, I adored him still…but it was mixed with a healthy heaping of rebellion. Now, as an adult, I adore him…but more than that, I admire him. He’s sentimental, but not mushy. He’s strong, faithful, compassionate, intelligent, stubborn as an ox, and committed to family in a way that makes me proud.

This is my dad…

…and I will always be his little girl.

When I began this blog, I set out with the intention of chronicling my childrens' lives (at least for now), and then having the pages bound into a book. That is still my intention. Somewhere along the way though, I started "meeting" some pretty inspiring people, and a few of those people have become friends. That part of blogging is a true joy.

However, there is another part of blogging that I find slightly less than joyful. That part is the nagging sensation I have of needing to "keep up" with every post of every blog I've ever read. Of course that is a slight exaggeration, but I have a feeling most of you get the point. When I allow that to take over, I feel so overwhelmed by it all, and blogging becomes a chore rather than a pleasure.

I suppose this is my way of saying that I am still here. I still plan on writing about my kids, and whatever else strikes me...but I may or may not be around to comment as much as I once have. My inkling is that I will go in spurts. So, if you haven't "seen" the likes of me as much, take no offense. I am just busy being a mom.

Lake Powell that is. My family has been doing an annual lake trip there since well before I was born. So we are headed out tomorrow. I have a few posts scheduled (like Mom N' Me Monday for example), and a wonderful woman has agreed to do my Tuesday post for me! Many of you know and love her already...but please be sure to stop by and say hello to her.

You Know You're a Mom When-sDAZE is all scheduled to post eventhough I won't be here. I will be sure to come check out all who link up once I return. So, please...come join in! So many of you write the most hilarious things ;)

On a side note...I plan to be better versed in Photoshop when I return. I bought a book yesterday, and already I am impressed with it! We'll see. If there are any wonderful tips that are easy enough for me to share, I will. I'm sure some of them will translate to Elements as well.

Have a great week!

I used to be successful. Really successful. I was in sales for a fortune 500 company, and I was great at what I did. I had goals, and I blew them all out of the water. Financially, I was in a place of freedom that I never imagined possible. I averaged around $135,000.00 a year. Me! Not married, no kids. There are times when I miss those days. Not just the money aspect of it (though that was amazing), but the feeling of setting a goal and anihilating it. There is a sense of accomplishment in that. That sense of accomplishment brings about a sense of confidence and a sense of self. I never questioned whether I was good at what I did, or whether I was valued. I just knew it to be true.

Having me stay home with our children is one of the best decisions we ever could have made, yet there are times when I question how I am doing. Whether I am valued. Whether I am good. Part of me realizes this must be natural. Afterall, there is no tangible way to set a goal to be a good mom, and then measure the success. Not really. Nor is there a real sense of feeling valued on a regular basis. In the working world (sales for example), you sell an account, the boss shouts "hooray" and slaps you high five. At home, you shower before noon, get the dishes done, change a couple of diapers, make dinner, and no one is there to say "hooray!" No one high fives you on the days you actually manage to put on deodorant and brush your teeth.

Then, your three year old draws an "A" on her doodle pad, and proudly exclaims "Look, mama! I did it. I drew an A!" And, looking down at the doodle pad, you see that she did indeed draw an "A." That's the high five. Right then, right there.

Then, your children are playing outside when suddenly the baby falls and bumps his head. He is screaming when daddy scoops him up to give him kisses, and the screaming doesn't cease because only mommy will do. You're valued. Right then, right there.

Staying home with these little people is the hardest job I've ever had. There are so mnay ways to make mistakes. So many ways I fear I can mess them up. And while at first glance it seems often like a very thankless job, I know that it is the most rewarding job I've ever had. The most rewarding job I ever will have again.

So while I do miss the straight forward feeling of being successful in the corporate world, I recognize that I am blessed to be able to be present for all the "A's" and bumps. To be the one my children not only want to have kiss their hurts, but also the one with whom they want to share their wins. I'm blessed to have a husband that also believes in how important it is for me to be here with them. I know he values me as a wife and mother and more importantly a friend. Yes...I am valued.

Tomorrow I am doing a photo session for a friend. Well, "friend" isn't really the term I should use. I am doing a photo shoot for Drew's (my stepson) mom with her boyfriend, his three boys and Drew. Strange? Probably seems so...but we are amicable enough, and I am looking forward to the practice. However, I am nervous! Big time. I've done one actual practice session for another friend after she had her baby. The pictures turned out well, but a baby is easy. Shooting a family of six is something of which I have zero experience.

Fortunately, I am doing it for free (my payment is simply the experience). I also have made it clear that I am no professional. She is still eager to have me do this. It was actually her request.

I have some fun ideas for some of the pictures, but could use some tips for more. If you have any suggestions for fun/unique photo ideas, I would love to see them. Any additional tips would be great too.

I'll be sure to post some photos from the session. Cross your fingers for me!

Soon I will be traveling from Arizona to Florida with my two little ones in tow. Unfortunately, Andy will not be with me. Fortunately, my brother and his girlfriend will be. I know many a mom before me has travelled alone with small children, but I am happy to have the help. Without it, there is a strong possibility I may throw myself from the plane. Best we don't test that theory.

We will be visiting my mom (who is traveling from Massachusetts), her husband, and my grandparents (who live in Florida). Sadly, my brother and I will only be staying for a couple of days. I'm grateful to have that time, but it is so little. I miss my mom. I wish that she lived close like my dad does. I so long for her to be able to see my children on a regular basis. So, I have vowed to try to visit her again this year for a longer period of time. Somehow, however, it doesn't seem to be enough.

I understand how fleeting and unpredictable our time here is. I want to make the most of it. I want my mother to have a relationship with my children. I don't ever want to look back when she is older and wish that she had more time with them. Though I can't change the circumstances of the distance between us, I can do something about the frequency between visits. If monetarily possible, I will make a point to see her once each year. If she can manage the same, then that would be twice a year...and while that hardly seems adequate...it would be far better than we've managed thus far.

In any case, I am looking forward to our upcoming visit. I am excited at the prospect of having a four generation photo taken (not professionally). My grandmother, my mom, me and my daughter. I've always wanted to have that...and now we will!

Well, it was bound to happen, I suppose. I have not dedicated much time at all in the past several months to posting on this blog. Is it any wonder with all the endeavors I seem to pile on?

Writing is certainly an outlet which I enjoy immensely, so I am not giving it up entirely. I am simply shifting focus.
I have dived head long into photography, and of my free time, it occupies about 90%. Part of this will be a blog centered around my journey in the photography world.

All are welcome to come and join me as I wander (sometimes aimlessly) down this path. You'll find my blog here.

For all of my family and friends (all like 3 of you!) who like to read about the every day happenings, I will still be updating on our life there as well. So please...be sure to bookmark the new site address!

For the rest of you I've "met" along the way, I certainly would like to hear from you on the new blog, but I won't have a "follow" widget, because frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn! :)

So, for the last time...signing off as

To all those who have read and commented on this post, thank you! I make a point of commenting on other's blogs when they comment for me, but I think I have fallen behind. So, I wanted to do a sort of blanket post to you all. I appreciate your support while I was trying to navigate through weird waters.

After having a chance to simmer down, I still think what this woman did is wrong, but I feel more sorry for her than anything. It's pathetic really. Stealing other's words is no form of flattery. It's just sad. I am thinking that this woman must need some serious help. Perhaps she has a gaping hole in her life, and simply craved the attention we all love from blogging. Perhaps that was enough to drive her to do strange things.

In the end, it was just words...for me. For Erin, it was a picture of her children. Again, crazy...but sad. Oh, and for those of you who asked how I found this woman...it was actually through Erin. She sent an email to several bloggers as a heads up and asking if we knew of her. I didn't. I was nosy. I went to snoop. I found my posts. I was ticked. I wrote my post.

Deb at Menopausal New Mom and Erin at The Mother Load both wrote posts about this too. I agree with what they wrote. We should look out for one another. It is, afterall, a community we have built here. A place we all feel comfortable and confident to share, in many cases, our innermost selves.

Now, I'd like to lay the drama of it all to rest. I have enough drama in my every day life, I'd like to keep my blogging as free of it as possible. Missy, if you're reading this...I hope you find the help and support you need to find your own inner confidence, and your own writing voice should you choose to continue blogging.

Going forward I suppose we could all learn a little from this experience. I am going to look into protecting my pictures at the very least. Will you?

A while back I did a post about the things I find myself saying as a mom. Things which, in any other context, would be highly inappropriate. Could you imagine what any other person would think if you said any of this to them?

"No, it wouldn't be funny for a shark to eat you. Because it would hurt, and you would bleed."

"Colton! Get off the table...this isn't a zoo." (because that is acceptable behavior at the zoo).

"Don't pick your nose...it's like poop! It's nose poop!"

"Wait, why are you yelling at me?" (I always find myself saying "wait" as if they will actually pause).

"Colton, please take my underwear off your head."

"Colton...what do you have? (inward gasp) Give mommy that nail right now!!" (a long rusted nail he found outside).

"No honey, I don't like it when you lick my arm."

My nose to Colton's bottom "Whew, you are stinky! Are you poopy?" (Hello! Good one, genius).

"No, you can't have a cookie. No not before lunch. No, you need lunch first. Lunch is in a little bit. I said no, don't ask again. One small cookie, but that's it!"

"Addyson, you can't see the poop. Because it's gross, and I already wrapped up his diaper."

I must say at least half a dozen off the wall things every day. It obviously comes with the territory, because talking about all things poop is perfectly normal conversation in the company of other moms. Right?

I'm not exactly sure when it happened...but I've been trained. I'm so ashamed. Once upon a time I stood my ground. I made a statement, and I held to it. Was I only dreaming?

When Addyson came along, she began training me immediately. Boy, was I surprised. See, I was so sure that I would be training her. I even planned to have her eat and sleep on a schedule. She was going to be the best sleeping baby that ever graced God's green earth. I even read Babywise in preparation. Well, Addyson did not read her copy of the book, and she had other plans. For twelve weeks I held her for every nap. Well, I did, or Andy did (don't even get me started there, we were so at each other's throats). Holding her at naptime wouldn't have been so bad if she would have slept in a sling so I could multi task. Heck, I would have been happy if she would have let me hold her and just read a book. Again, she had her own ideas. My darling daughter had to be in her room, with the shudders closed, in my lap while rocking in the glider. If one of these criteria wasn't met, all hell (yes hell) broke out in the Mamma household. So you see, she has been working us from the start.

When she was 12 weeks, I was finally determined to teach her how to sooth herself at naptime. This bolgna started to seep into our nights (which to that point had been just fine, she'd nurse two or three times a night and go straight back down), so we sleep trained. It was the best thing I ever could have done...for her, for me... for my marriage ;) In three days time she would go down for a nap in her own crib with no soothing from me. Amazing.

Today, I was thinking about this as I lay next to her during rest time. It dawned on me that somewhere along the way, she worked me over. Did you notice the first sentence of this paragraph? That's right...as I lay next to her during rest time (insert record skip). It's the only way I can get her to nap now, and even that is failing lately. So I may throw in the towel. We may just give up once and for all on the old naptime for Addyson. That or I'll still be sleeping with her when I'm 80.

I know you all are just crushed that I am not posting a recipe today! Somehow, I am certain you'll survive ;)

It seems I have been toking on the crack pipe again (I hate it when I do that), and have agreed to host a party here this Saturday for my husband's sales team. Fortunately it's a BBQ type, so we will be using the grill which alleviates the need for me to use my culinary skills...sorta.

Seeing as how I am not the best house keeper in the West (remember this one?), I have a lot to do to ready myself for company. Sigh. Hours of cleaning just for mass destruction with the party...sorta. It's not like it's a bunch of animals coming over...though at times I might argue that they are ;)

In any case, as I was sitting on my duff last night, going through emails, and commenting on some of your blogs, I just couldn't muster the energy to get my act together. Not uncommon around these parts. Again, I feel confident that somehow none of you will go quietly insane without a recipe from yours truly.

Many already realize that I am weird have some wonderful quirks. I am about to divulge another. When I was a baby I received a white and yellow blanket. As I grew I became very attached to it. The blanket (bidey as I called it) went everywhere I went. Everywhere. I sucked my thumb too. While sucking my thumb I would hold the blanket up to my nose so I could breath in the scent it had acquired after being dragged through who knows what. I am going to digress here to tell you all that Addyson does the same thing. She, however, sucks the first two fingers on her right hand. She started that around 12 weeks, and hasn't stopped. I'm not anxious to make her stop either. It's her comfort, and it doesn't bother me in the least. I find it amusing that she holds her blanket to her nose the way I did.

So...back to my blanket. In second grade my blanket was looking like it had seen better days (yes, I still had it in second grade...but it stayed home at least). The woman who babysat my brother and I after school was awesome at knitting blankets, and she had been working on one for a while. It was pink and brown. I asked her who it was for and she said her son, Brian. Pink and brown? Strange. She lied...turns out it was for me. I happily accepted the blanket, but wouldn't trade it for my yellow and white one. Until...it just fell apart. I was so sad, but slowly I got used to my new blanket. My pink and brown beauty.

Here's where it gets really interesting...I still have that blanket! I am quite proud to announce that it is in my lap as I type this, and I have it with my husband and me in bed every night. Yep. I'll be 34 next month, but I still have a blankey. I imagine you might be a little relieved to know that I don't suck my thumb. That I stopped well before second grade ;)

P.S. Cop Mama was my total and complete inspiration for this post. In fact, I was going to leave her a lengthy comment on this post, and decided to write my own instead. Thanks, Cop Mama!!

For starters, I just want to say that I am not planning to do anymore giveaways...at least not for a while, or forever. I love that I am doing this one, but I think they are pushing me in a direction I am not really ready to follow. I love blogging, sharing my ideas through this medium, and I love the interaction I often get as a result. Like many (or I suspect there are many), I had secret hopes of earning money doing this thing. Ugh...no more is that my desire. I was beginning to feel like a slave to my blog, obsessed (in a not so good way) about how many people wanted to read what I have to say. Really, who cares?! Isn't it nuts when you think about it? Don't misunderstand...I do like people to read, but my first priority when writing a post should be whatever it is that inspired me to write...not "what will people think if I say this, or do that?"

When I started blogging, it was just so much fun. I was excited to post, and I enjoyed what I wrote. Once I started being more concerned with the numbers of it all, some of that (okay a lot of that) pleasure went right out the window. So, I'm busting the chains. I'm letting go of my secret desire to be a millionaire blogger ;) I'm gonna write about my kids, and show you pictures of the horrific fish cake I made Addyson...really, it's bad...and really I will share. I'm going to post my recipes, because I love them, and if even one person tries one and likes it, then I have given something in some small way. I am going to write selfish posts that no one really wants to read (except for my mom, and me in 40 years).

I wrote this post just a short time ago, and I think I missed the boat. I meant everything I said in it, and I believe it all 100%, but somehow I still derailed myself. Oh well. New start.

Not sure what compelled me to explain myself this way...maybe just my way of wiping the slate clean. Allowing me to get back to what I really loved about blogging to begin with, and if people decide to join me along the way...well, then all the better!

In an effort to do something I think would be a ton of fun...I decided to open the floor to any and all questions. BUT...the questions are for Andy (my husband). You can ask him anything you want. ANYTHING! Now, I will say this, he does reserve the right to not answer should something be out of line. But I have faith that nothing will be. I also give him free reign to answer anything about me. So, get your typing fingers ready, and ask away. What, my friends, would you like to know?

**My nursing cover giveaway ends today...enter if you haven't...winner announced tomorrow**
I am sitting here depleted of energy, thoughts, emotions. The well has run dry. Not truly, but that is my overall demeanor as I type. I have just come home from the gym. From a workout the likes of which I haven't had in a long time. I mean it. My husband has been going to a personal trainer, and tonight I went in his place. I will be continuing to go in his place for a month...if I make it that long.
On my way home from the gym I was thinking about how this has to make the change that has eluded me thus far. If it doesn't, nothing will. Of this I am certain. Then, I started thinking about the fact that it never seems to be enough. Never. I don't know that I will ever be satisfied with my body. Always five more pounds, then tone this more, and shape this more, and on and on and on.
Prior to my first pregancy I was in good shape by my own standards and great shape by other's. In fact, here is a picture of me when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Addyson.

I look at it this and I long to look like that today. My breasts weren't to my knees, and no muffin top existed. Yet, at that point in time (well, before I was pregant...but this is the only pic I have that bares it all for that time) I wasn't happy about how I looked. Oh, most days I felt pretty good. I was fit, I worked out at least 5 days each week, and my clothes fit me well. But I didn't like my legs, and my butt needed to shed a layer. I could smack my former self right about now.
Today, two kids in rapid succession later, I am struggling to get that body back. I keep saying I have just ten more pounds to go when the reality is more like fifteen. I have been able to squeeze into some of my pre-pregnancy wardrobe, but not most of it...not even half of it. It's so depressing. So, now I am going to show you what I look like today. The picture was taken in February, and honestly I look at it and I know that some of you are going to say things like "you're crazy, you look fine." I can say that I look at the picture and I see that I look okay, but okay is not good enough. It's never enough.

I couldn't even bare to do the picture in a swim suit. So there I am...posing like a moron and smiling about it.Now, to be clear, the point of this post is not to beat on myself. I am working at getting myself back to where I feel comfortable. The point is that for so many of us, it's just never good enough. I believe it's great to live a healthy lifestyle, and be fit...but at what point do you say "Damn! I look good." (to yourself, of course). Why do so many of us struggle to be able to simply feel content with who we are today? There is so much more than the outward shell we present.
I'll tell you this...I mentioned that if this month with the trainer didn't start to make the change, then nothing would. I believe it, and I have made up my mind that it's okay. I'm okay. I'm perfectly flawed...and that's good enough.

I'm an addict. Blogging is my drug of choice. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you view it) for me, there are so many blogs to read. The problem is, in addition to being addicted to the blog world, I am also a mom. I don't have the time to invest in searching out blogs to read. I have meals to make, a house to ignore clean. Playdates to attend. The list goes on. I do, however, have some blogs I love to read... those which make me feel excited if they have a new post. Today, I thought I would share some of them with you.

I will only mention a few today, and plan to do a series of posts like this over time. The blogs in this post are in no particular order, and are not necessarily my most favorite...they are just in the forefront of my mind.

Let's get on with it.

Melis at Diary of a Zookeeper. She's great. Her writing is intelligent, witty, funny, endearing and compelling all rolled into one. While reading one of her posts, I am often "in her moment," feeling as if I am seeing things through her eyes. Her down to earth nature, and warmth make me feel as if we have been friends for a long time. I'm sending you to one of her more heartfelt posts. If you are not reading her blog, you are missing out on a real treat.

Michele at Finding Trinity. I love funny. So, I love her. She is an awesome blog friend, always leaving witty or thoughtful comments on my posts. She has a raw honesty about her that is just charming and well...funny! Again, she is down to earth (sensing a trend here), and easy to read. What are you waiting for? Go have a look for yourself. Sending to you a post that will allow you to get to know her well right off the bat.

The last person I will tell you about today is Heide of From 3 to 5. The thing about Heide is that she is as real as they come. I think I first took a liking to her because she so reminded me of one of my old friends. However, as I have gotten to know her more and more, I just think she is great in her own right! She makes me laugh...like all the time. Here's the best part, I think she's funny even when she's not trying to be so. She just tells a story sometimes in such a way that I can't help but find humor in it. Please go see for yourself what I mean. I am sending you to a Friday Fragment post she did, and there is a bit about nose picking that cracked me up.

Now...these are just a few on the ever growing list of blogs I dig...and dig 'em I do. Stay tuned, next time you might be mentioned!!

What about you? Do you already read these blogs? Any that you feel crazy over and want to share? Spill it here in the comments.

**When I say easy to read, I simply mean her posts are well written, not on the verbose side, not littered with gramatical errors, etc.** Wanted to clarify that as I may use the term again.

P.S. A big happy birthday to my sister in law.

My Dearest Addyson,
Three years ago today you took your first breath...and in many ways so did I. When you made your way into this world, mine changed forever. Instantly my heart swelled with love, joy, pride and fear. Oh I had heard all about how the love for one's child is unmatched by any other...but I didn't really get it. Not until you. When I gazed upon your face for the first time, I understood. My love for you was immediate and immeasurable. Love so strong it almost hurt. Love so strong I never fathomed that it could grow any more.
I was so wrong. With each passing day my heart and the love within are ever growing. You astound me with your intelligence. With your capacity for compassion. With your love for me, your daddy, and your brothers. Every day you bring me to the brink of my sanity, just to reel me right back in with an unexpected hug or kiss. You are a challenge, knowing exactly what you want and how you want it...accepting no substitutions nor any delays. You are a pistol, a never ceasing font of energy. You stretch my patience to the limit, then sweetly melt my heart not moments later. You are tender and wise beyond your three little years.
It hardly seems fair that three years have already passed. I wish I could soak up every second and every moment so they may be stored at the ready for me to relive any time I desire. Every day I memorize each line of your face, count every new freckle. And every day I watch you as you become someone I never dreamed you'd be. Dreaming of the person you are would have been impossible. You have surpassed my every expectation, my every desire, my every hope. You have fufilled my every wish, Addyson. You have not only made me a mother...each day you teach me just what that means.
Happy birthday, little peanut. I love you simply more than you will ever truly know.

Love,Mommy