I used to be successful. Really successful. I was in sales for a fortune 500 company, and I was great at what I did. I had goals, and I blew them all out of the water. Financially, I was in a place of freedom that I never imagined possible. I averaged around $135,000.00 a year. Me! Not married, no kids. There are times when I miss those days. Not just the money aspect of it (though that was amazing), but the feeling of setting a goal and anihilating it. There is a sense of accomplishment in that. That sense of accomplishment brings about a sense of confidence and a sense of self. I never questioned whether I was good at what I did, or whether I was valued. I just knew it to be true.
Having me stay home with our children is one of the best decisions we ever could have made, yet there are times when I question how I am doing. Whether I am valued. Whether I am good. Part of me realizes this must be natural. Afterall, there is no tangible way to set a goal to be a good mom, and then measure the success. Not really. Nor is there a real sense of feeling valued on a regular basis. In the working world (sales for example), you sell an account, the boss shouts "hooray" and slaps you high five. At home, you shower before noon, get the dishes done, change a couple of diapers, make dinner, and no one is there to say "hooray!" No one high fives you on the days you actually manage to put on deodorant and brush your teeth.
Then, your three year old draws an "A" on her doodle pad, and proudly exclaims "Look, mama! I did it. I drew an A!" And, looking down at the doodle pad, you see that she did indeed draw an "A." That's the high five. Right then, right there.
Then, your children are playing outside when suddenly the baby falls and bumps his head. He is screaming when daddy scoops him up to give him kisses, and the screaming doesn't cease because only mommy will do. You're valued. Right then, right there.
Staying home with these little people is the hardest job I've ever had. There are so mnay ways to make mistakes. So many ways I fear I can mess them up. And while at first glance it seems often like a very thankless job, I know that it is the most rewarding job I've ever had. The most rewarding job I ever will have again.
So while I do miss the straight forward feeling of being successful in the corporate world, I recognize that I am blessed to be able to be present for all the "A's" and bumps. To be the one my children not only want to have kiss their hurts, but also the one with whom they want to share their wins. I'm blessed to have a husband that also believes in how important it is for me to be here with them. I know he values me as a wife and mother and more importantly a friend. Yes...I am valued.