I don't understand why moms feel the need to justify their choices to other moms. Or anyone for that matter. I am not even talking about moms who stay at home vs. moms who go to work. Nope, I am referring to the little things that seem so big. For example, I have always been so very laid back over-the-top anal when it comes to my children and their sleep. This was particularly bad with my daughter. When she was napping, I freaked out whenever anyone would make a noise in the house. I wouldn't answer the phone during her naps for fear of my hushed voice waking her. I seriously thought my daughter was born with the special power to hear even a pin drop from clear across the house. So...my husband would get so irritated with me (rightly so), and my dad would blast me for not answering his calls, and I would get looks from friends whenever I mentioned my daughter sleeps on a schedule. You know the looks I mean, right? I think every mom has gotten them at some point. They are the very looks that create the need in us to justify our choices. Now...I will say, that when my second came along, and my daughter was only 18 months, there was no real way to keep her hushed when he was sleeping. So I had to become more laid back. Do I still think sleep in ultra important to their overall health and development? You bet. Do I freak out if one of them wakes too early at naptime anymore? No way. However, back when I was in the freak out mode still, I felt the constant need to justify my hyper-sensitive ways regarding my daughter's sleep. "You need to make noise in your house so she gets used to it." My dad would say. "I know, and I do, but dad she is a really light sleeper, and she needs her naps or she just gets so cranky." I would tell him. I am certain what he heard is "I am a first-time mom, and I don't know what I am doing." The thing is, I did know what I was doing. I knew that I was a little (okay a lot) over the top, but I also knew that her sleep was something that was a non-negotiable for me. It was something that I believed, and still believe, is crucial to healty development.
Just today, my kids and I were at the park for one of our mommy meet ups. A friend of mine was making a bottle for her 8 month old daughter, and asked her 2 year old son if he wanted one too. I can say with the utmost sincerity that I thought absolutely nothing of it! Seriously. But do you know what happened next? She began justifying why he was getting the bottle. There is actually a very sound reason behind it I might add. But that isn't the point. The point is that she is his mom. She knows what is best for him. Who on God's green earth am I to judge that decision?
So what is this innate behavior we moms all seem to possess? Why does it crop up like that? The bottom line is this...we are all just doing what we feel in our hearts to be the best for our children. No one in the world loves her child more than a mother, and we are all in the same boat. So how about next time you see a mom doing something you would never dream of doing, you just give her a knowing smile instead of a what in the world are you doing look. **This of course does not apply to anyone who is doing something obviously harmful in any way to their child**
Just remember the next time you feel the need to explain yourself to someone about a choice you have made for your child(ren)...don't. Remind yourself that mommy does in deed know best.