Yes, you read correctly. I asked if anyone has ever pooped on your floor...like besides your pet. I have had the misfortune of this happening twice! Once several years ago, and again today.
Several years ago, we were still living in our old house. It was summer and my husband's brother and his family came to visit. They have six kids. It was a mad house. All the kids were swimming in the pool out back; the husbands were outside watching them while my sister in law and I were inside putting lunch together. Suddenly I could hear my husband bark at my stepson to get out of the pool. Next I heard a muffled butt chewing right outside our back door (it was just off the kitchen). In comes Drew, fresh out of the pool and no towel in sight. As he traipses across the kitchen floor I find mysef getting annoyed that he is leaving puddles behind as he goes. Little did I know I should have been wishing the puddles were the only mess he would leave on my kitchen floor. Unbeknownst to me, Drew was having such a merry old time with his cousins in the pool that he couldn't be bothered with such civilities as coming in the house to use the bathroom. Nope. He crapped himself. I found this out when my husband grabbed Drew's arm to hurry him along through the kitchen, and jarred a turd loose...which in turn slithered out of his pants and onto my floor. My kitchen floor!!! Speachless. Slightly embarrassed. Conflicting feelings of aggravation and amusement all at once. That was me in the horrible seconds after it made its debut with a sickening little plop. Like I said, my brother in law and his wife have six kids...it would take much more than that to shock my SIL.
Flash forward to today. I am putting a Christmas movie on for Addyson when she goes bolting out of the room towards my bedroom. Her potty is in my bathroom, and this is a regular occurrence so I knew she would be hollaring for me to come and wipe her momentarily (I bet you think you know what happens). Maybe I go to wipe her and she has had an accident on the floor in there? Nope. She never calls me to wipe her. She just comes gallivanting back out to the living room. I am distracted with the DVD player, and absently tell her to go back in to the bathroom so I can wipe her bottom. She stays. She farts. She laughs. I say something like "oh that was really nice, Addyson." She thinks she is funny, she tries to fart again, and does. Still distracted I hadn't noticed something else had also escaped her precious little bottom. She tears out of the room to the bathroom wailing away. Crying? What did she do? I look down to the space on my carpet she had occupied not seconds before to see a little bitty poop. Does it get any better than this? Fortunately, it cleans right up without leaving a trace. I go in to wipe and console her. I explain that I am not mad...I know it was an accident. She stops crying. All's well that ends well.