I have this picture that Andy took of me holding Colton. He was a brand new little guy, and I was in love. So in love that it floored me. I experienced it once before when Addyson entered the world, but I didn't really believe my heart could hold that much more. What a fool I was. The second I heard his cry, my eyes flooded and my heart expanded. God had blessed me with another little soul, and Colton immediately found his place.
When I learned I was pregnant with Colton I was a bit surprised. Not, of course, at the how of it...just at the how soon of it. Andy and I had decided it was time to let nature take its course again...and let me just say, nature had the fast track in mind. I was worried about my little Addyson. She was 9 months old when Colton was conceived, and I fretted over her being kicked from the nest too soon. It broke my heart.
As Colton's scheduled due date arrived I fretted over that too. I had tremendous guilt that my babes needed to be born via c-section. With Addyson, I at least went into labor with her, and was able to give it the good ole' college try. But with Colton, I chose his birthday. I hated that (and I don't usually say hate). What if we were taking him out before he was really ready? Shouldn't he have been the one to say "okay guys...here I come!" It took me a long time to be okay with that.
So, here are two pictures actually. The first is one of my holding Addyson after they wheeled me back from surgery. My eyes (and entire face) were so puffy. It's a wonder I could stop crying long enough to have a picture with her. My little baby...too soon the big girl.
Here she is, so unsure of what is all happening. Only 18 months old. But a brave little face nonetheless. She obviously knew something I had yet to learn. That Colton was a precious gift to her. God gave her a new best friend.
And here I am with my newest little addition. I am looking at my screen through a filter of tears as I remember how I felt then...and how even that doesn't compare to what I feel today.
Thanks, Julie for hosting such a wonderful theme. It has afforded me with some wonderful knew photos, and has enabled me to relive some very treasured memories.
Please go join up with Julie for some more Mom N' Me posts.